Pinch Me, I’m Dreaming

May 28, 2008 at 6:30 am (True Story, Whiny Weasel)

 

Have you ever tried to look up the meaning of your dreams in the internet? Whether it’s because something really amazing happened in your dream, it felt really nice and you kind of ach e for it to come true that you just had to know what it meant. Or you had one disturbing dream that was just a wee bit short of a nightmare; you can’t quite get it out of your head. Some of them feel almost real and you get scared of them ever coming true.

 

Can you just imagine that I got flashbacks of a dream of having my leg shaven? And last night I had another one of the shaving dreams again. In the most recent one, my armpits were about to be shaven by somebody else. How freaky is that? And the one with the leg was even more annoying because there were two people taking turns (and NO… not in a kinky way!). One of them shaved my leg too quickly, I had a cut. The other one took really slow and I kept saying I could do a much better job.

 

Shaving is one rare occurrence in a dream, and to have them two nights in a row? Now that has got to mean something. So I visited my trusty dream interpreter site. Take note of the word trusty. I am a frequent visitor because I always have strange dreams.  www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary The interpretations are almost always head on.

 

I looked up the word shave and this is what I found.  “To dream that someone is shaving your leg, represents a lost (loss) of your independence. You are relying on others to get through some difficult times.  You need to build up your self-confidence and self-esteem.”

 

Here we go again with the self-esteem! When in the hell will I be over this? Can it be programmed into my character already? And isn’t it already a bit too late for character building? I’m already 23 years old for crying out loud! I’ve got issues, I know. But who the hell doesn’t?

 

I don’t deal with my issues the wrong way. I simply don’t deal with them. Revisiting any of them or even facing my problems almost feels like rubbing salt in my wounds which, oddly enough, is something I on occasion, find myself doing. Not literally of course. Come on.

 

I am a bit of a masochist, if you prefer euphemisms, go ahead and call it being a martyr. Maybe it’s because I’m scared, or maybe I’m too lazy or too tired. Like me not picking sides because I do not want to do with anything that is not deliberately caused by me, especially when it turns into some crazy fiasco.

 

That’s just me.

 

Deal with it.

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Somebody Save Me

March 2, 2008 at 7:57 am (True Story, Whiny Weasel)

Humor me, give me something fun to do, or throw me something to do that is worthwhile.

At times like these, I wonder why even still look forward to weekends. Not to mention that this particular weekend, the rain has been pouring non-stop. It was fine when I got up this morning; it made me stay in bed later than I normally could. Then the rain thought it was so cute that it greeted me the way it did today. It’s not cute. It’s alright of it rains as long as it doesn’t go on the whole freaking day.

I am beginning to not like weekends as much as I used to. There’s just not much to do except do chores, clean up, cook, go to mass, pay bills. I need some excitement or may be something to do that’s other from the norm. What pisses me off is that I have tried so hard, even too hard to fill my time. I even started reading again. Since I don’t have a lot of books, as a matter of fact I just have one, and I am almost finished with it. I try and not finish it yet and sleep instead. Sleeping is fine but I also don’t like throwing my weekend away just like that. Back in Cebu, I had television, in here, TV doesn’t count. We don’t have cable and I personally don’t think it is worth the money, because we won’t be able to enjoy it as much as we would like anyway.

I’m frustrated. I think I am about to throw a fit but I know I won’t so I think about it and I occasionally grunt. It’s because my boyfriend is here with me but I have never felt lonely as hell. When my face shows that I’m bored to death, he asks me what I want to do and it pisses me off that I don’t know what I can offer him that can amuse him just as as much as playing DOTA with his friends would. I can see how disappointed he is when I see him looking at me, not doing anything. Actually, I am just waiting for him to again sweep me off my feet without having to pout. To be honest, I don’t ask much from him. I never do. I just can’t believe I have waited close to 8 years to be with him, and then this is all that actually happens. I mean hello, I wasn’t even expecting a fairy tale. Shit.

While he is in front of the laptop I go to my room and lay there and think about other couples and how jealous I am because they do things together, not forcefully and they enjoy things that they do together, I mean really enjoy. I guess it is also because they have only been together for so long ( this is what I try to tell myself ). And I also think about the times when we were apart for months at a time and I would wonder how it would be like being together, seeing each other every single day. I haven’t even enjoyed the blissful stage yet. We’re not even married yet for crying out loud!!!

Is it because ever since before I have always played it cool. Not demanding anything from him. I always tried to be more of a friend than a girlfriend as much I could muster because we were apart for the 7 years of our relationship. We just recently had our 8th anniversary. I don’t know. I love him to death (gugmang gi-atay). I just wish we weren’t through with the blissful stage yet. I was expecting that but I never thought it would come even before the wedding. It’s sad, but it is the truth. Grabe I try to make him happy with me but the only way I know how to make him happy is to do stuff that doesn’t necessarily involve me, like playing PC games which I suck at by the way. And by playing these games I also get him frustrated because I’m no good at it. Wahahahahah! I’m no gamer! Again, this is one of the things I enjoy doing but am not good at.

Damn it. I wish I were the type of girl who the boyfriend never gets enough of. I must have pushed him away way too much and way too early in our relationship. Although it doesn’t seem too obvious I try to always do things right. I have my curfew, I took care of studies first, and I take care of work first, so you know I am the good girl. Apparently sometimes, good girl = boring girl.

Maybe it would have been better if I was the Miss-always-right girlfriend. The bossy girlfriends get hold of their boyfriends better. I wonder what it is like to be like them.

Ngano bitaw nag uyab2x na bata pa! (Indirect Translation: That is what you get for getting into a serious relationship at a very young age!) –> Man, this is said so much better when said in vernacular.

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A little more for your peripheral cognition of ME

August 7, 2007 at 3:21 am (Whiny Weasel)

I am counting down my transition from existence to nothingness.

Do you want to know what it’s like to feel worthless? Try getting into my shoes for the next two weeks :-) I am counting down my days of transforming from being a yuppie to a bum with no tomorrow and spending her life savings on something uncertain.

You might be thinking, why not make most out of the days I have left before becoming this worthless piece of crap? Right.. Hmm, where do I begin?

Nah, I really don’t want to talk about it this time, maybe later when I am happy again. Incidentally, there are people whom I meet everyday who read my blog. I just don’t want them to get the wrong message because that is what usually happens with some people. I don’t really blame them. This little piece of heaven here is like an avenue for angry bashing, sulking and just being blissfully happy for no apparent reason.

Don’t get me wrong. I really still enjoy writing what I think on the web. It is nice that people are bored or interested enough to finish reading a single entry. I would be stupid if I’d complain about choosing who could read my blog. I mean it’s on the freaking net, what do you expect?? Even I am an avid reader of a complete stranger’s blog. I like reading her entries. She has the wit that’s a bit dark and actually amusing. She talks about her experiences that are completely unlike mine but then I would catch myself smiling and nodding, thinking that if I were in her situation, I would deal with the situations she’s in, the exact same way she did.

She writes very well and is rather silver-tongued. Well, it is needless to say that she writes. She wrote a book and is getting an agent to sign it for her.

She got me thinking, what happens in your life isn’t interesting in itself. But it is how you think about it and what you do with and in it that makes it more interesting. I know some of you don’t agree. I really don’t care if you do or don’t :-) sorry :-) It’s like saying, I know how you feel, but I don’t care. Heheheh. That’s just so funny. I also read on Reader’s Digest once, it went something like, “Don’t complain or whine about your problems to other people, 80% just don’t care and 20% are happy you have them.” But my advice is, if you feel better afterwards, it doesn’t hurt to complain about it, don’t overdo it like I sometimes do. But if you do complain, don’t talk about it with me, okay? Heheheh kidding! :-P

;-)

 

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Bullshit

April 24, 2007 at 1:13 pm (Whiny Weasel)

BS

BSIT. Bachelor of Science in Information Technology

How far has it gotten me? I actually think it’s gotten me quite far.

Can you imagine a world without computer programmers? Come on, just give it a minute… Can you picture it? Of course some of you can, because it’s hard for people who know little of the people in the background of their “e-run” world, to understand what is going on.

Why am I rambling about this? It’s because I think that Nursing (the course) is overrated. Everybody else who’s not closely informed about our profession thinks Nursing is the remedy to everything. That it is the best course in the world! Yeh,it’s fine that people think it’s a step in making their lives better or making their future brighter in some way. It’s fine really. I hope that they make sure that what they say about what we do for a living won’t make us feel like we’re in the same level as dung. It annoys me how people think like we eat shit for a living hehehe (exag! But sometimes it gets to a point when it feels/sounds/looks that way)

Don’t get me wrong. I have no grudge whatsoever to people who study nursing, or parents who coax their children into taking up nursing. I love everyone in my family that includes, the nurses and those taking up nursing. But some people lang sad, hehehe. I get to thinking, that there are a lot of those who know little about this profession, and needless to say, have little respect for it. Wait, come to think of it, most of those whose faces twitch in abject horror when I tell them what my job is (computer programmer, there’s not use sugar coating it really by saying software design engineer, heck they would understand what I’d be saying) are either not-well-informed people, some baby boomers and etc. you get it, you know how to use the pc, so I bet your able to process that.

I love my job. And everything that goes with it. Not having much of a social life, is just icing on the cake LOL!

BS can mean another thing too. Bullshit.

I realized that I shouldn’t let what they think about what I do bother me so much. It gets into my nerves how they seem to take every chance they get to belittle me L So, one day, well today, I decided, “What the heck shant, BS. That’s all they should sound to you. What they’re saying through their face-twitching is all bull.”

So when somebody says something to bring me down, I say, “BS!” Hmm, I’ll work on telling them to their faces next time ;) Hahaha I’m kidding I’m kidding I’m not that mean. Om shanti …, shanti shanti. :)

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