Om Shanti

 ”Come Again?”

I’ve said that phrase far too many times since I came here. I still haven’t gotten used to their accent. The only thing that scares me though is that while struggling for them to understand what I am saying with the kind of accent we pinoys use, I might soon sound like them when I speak in english. Gamay ra kaau na concern noh? But it certainly is a way to survive.

I am home alone and I don’t have very much to do but wait. Wait for the agent to call me back to tell me what time we can check the place that we might be moving in to. Looking for a place is hard. I didn’t know it would be so exhausting, it isn’t even that fun anymore heheheh

Today, I swept the floor(in the kitchen and dining area) and kind of cleaned up “our” room. I got up earlier than usual and I didn’t have much to do so I tried doing stuff like cleaning up hehehe. My mom would be so proud. LOL!

Here’s why..

If I don’t want it, don’t force it on me. lay off. I don’t like forcing other people not necessarily because I respect their opinion but because I’m lazy like that. I mean why the hell would I waste my time trying to convince you when I know I won’t be getting anything out of persuading you unless of course,  I’m selling something.

Basta, I am the type of person who let people be because that is how I want to be treated unless of course you’re doing something harmful or illegal. I do my share of intervening when I have to.

Lay off. If you don’t like what I’m eating or how much I’m eating, just fuck off. Seriously.

I go to work not having the least bit of care as to what i’m wearing. Especially if I haven’t finished washing my laundry for that week. I mean c’mon sometimes people need a break and try not to care much about how they look as long as they look decent enough to go to work right?

Imagine this.

I walk to work from the corner right across the entrance of Paradise Village in Banilad and walk all the way to NEC located in IT Park and I’m having this monologue in my head.

“man, it’s hot out here. A few years from now I swear I’m gonna get myself a car.” I wipe beads of sweat off my chin and temples. “hmm what was I going to do today? ah right, (certain stuff about work that need not be here).”Then I recall the things that had happened at work and think about how i want today to be light and less stressful. “Sige I’ll be kinder to people I don’t like seeing and I won’t mind not seeing anymore.”

Then I get to the office all sweaty and with blisters in my feet that I easily get because of my overly perspiring feet. The aircon greets me and I first feel the cold on my sweaty nose. Take my shades off and wipe my face. I walk to my cube and try to be all cheerful and nice or not say shit. Then you get greeted with ***not originally in english*** I’m being pointed and laughed at “shant, your hair is all messy.” and I, wanting to have been nice, shot back, “why don’t you try walking all the way to work under the heat of the sun?”

other times I get shit like “haha shant you look like a mom. (looks at me like I’m all dressed up in a ‘daster’” I say “Oh your wearing skinny jeans today.” and I said that line to a guy who wears disturbingly fitting pants. And I don’t say anything till he tried to insulting me. Other times he’s told me I looked fat and made fun out of me for not being a scholar!!! WTF!?! I would have wanted to say “I don’t need any scholarships coz i’m filthy fucking rich!” I swear I’d say that if it were true. I don’t say things ’till I feel like I’ve had it. You dig? LOL.

Anyway on to another incident. A pin-thin, balding, fugly tabon “man” says to me in front of a whole lot of people says with a shriek
english: “shan you’re huge i mean your big!”
bisaya: “shan dako na kaau ka as in tambok na kaayo ka.”
then he looks around and scans if people around us will be laughing at me.

Today, he shouts from his cube, obviously everyone could hear, he says, “hala shan mura na kag mama” I’m like “WTF!?! this guy must have some nerve thinking he’s not fugly i mean come on look at your freaking reflection!! Oh wait, there must be an “against-the-light” thing going on because of his balding head and freakishly huge shiny forehead of his!!!!!!!!!!!!! And you knw what I said? All I said was this “I definitely won’t become the mother of your children!” If I was gonna be a mama i mean I get indecent proposals from this “guy” which is why that was my comeback. eewww! And the funny part is, he wasn’t able to say anything back to me. I said out loud, “wla na siya katingug ga lisud siguro kay ininglis.” –> not the actual line but still to that effect

Lay off, specially when I’m not in the mood and if your just trying to make me the butt of your jokes. I mean is that the best you can do to be funny? Pick on other people? I can do better. Really.

These are just some of things that happen to me at work. You can imagine why it brings the bitch out of me gyud. If I were a little less subtle sos I’d… nevermind. ‘Till the next time they make fun of me then. They’ll see.

*evil grin, really villain-like grin*

It was a very sunny Sunday morning when I woke up scratching my neck n shoulders. I broke into some kind of rash that spread all over my face, arms, neck and chest.

It looked gruesome. I would love to take a picture of it and place it here but I wouldn’t want to spoil your appetite heheh. They looked like red tiny boils that grew from out of nowhere. They say it’s some form of allergy.

Having experienced this ailment in the past, I remembered taking some oral medicines for it. So after mass, the family and I dropped by a pharmacy to buy the med. Here’s what happened…

Shanits gets inside Rose Pharmacy, UC Branch and almost enters the wrong side of the botica, the exit. It was because of my dire need to avoid the metal rod like things that turn when you enter a grocery store. It feels like you have to foist yourself into those things just to get through. It annoys me.
So the guard sees me and points the other way and says,
“miss ngadto lang ta agi pikas miss” (miss just pass the other way miss)
shanits says: ay! sorry bossing hehehe
bossing: (says nothing but gives me a my-that-girl-is-such-an-idiot look. )
Shanits paces her way to the counter and glances at the priority number monitor. It says #92. I pick up a priority number card and it says #93, then I hear a *ding dong*
shanits says: ooh.. must be my lucky part of the day
tindera says: (nothing actually but she looks at me with a raised brow and gave me a what-do-you-want-so-that-you-could-get-off-my-face-sooner look.)
shanits says: miss tag pila ang inyo tavigel?

This time I really get the tindera’s full attention. And she looked as though she wanted to get rid of me immediately! I was like “what?? you have freaking LBM or something and you have to freaking go?” in my mind of course.

tindera says: tag 20.85
shanits says: umm sige miss tulo lang nya kabuok

After a good 5 minutes she hands me my change and the meds. Siga ang mata ni Shanits! Not because of the amount but because of the spelling of the meds. I don’t know why in the world I thought it was spelled Tavigel and not Tavegyl. No wonder the tindera had that look in her face. She must have acted all bruha on me just to keep herself from laughing!

Alright. So it’s freaking Tavegyl and not Tavigel heheheheh
I must have associated the gel with the itch kay dba jellyfish. LOL. Alright I’ll stop.
No excuses for me.
shanits says: oops.. my bad

Dream, dream, dream (All I have to Do is Dream by: Campbell Glen)

The past few weeks I have been having this recurring dream of going up mountains. They were more of going into a huge house on a large mountain. Getting to these houses weren’t easy. This is how the dream usually goes.

I climb up a very steep mountain accompanied by some friends or family members. The road is dusty and the weather is gloomy. People in their cars pass us by. There are times when passengers of these cars stop to chat with us but don’t offer us a ride even if we could clearly use some help. My companions and I still continue climbing up the mountain.

Once we get to the top, there’s a huge house sometimes, a mansion and there’s nobody in it. In my dream, I usually end up alone when I get to the top and all the people I climbed up the mountain with kind of just disappear. Then, someone comes after me, sometimes, I get introduced to someone who has some illness. One time, the house I went into was actually a hospital for lepers where there was a nun who told me I was going to be a leper too.

Another time, there was a guy from the mafia who tried to kill me. I tried to run from him and tried to get into the house just to hide from him.

I always have this dream of climbing up a mountain where there’s a big house on top. And getting to the top’s always very tiring. It’s not like most of the nightmares other people have. I don’t think it could be considered as a nightmare, but dreaming about the same thing all the time does make you wonder, don’t you think?

Anyway, I tried looking it up in one of the “Dream Interpreter” sites And these are the things I found out, which you might find interesting

Your Dream: big house on steep mountain
Words like big: Inflated. Generous. Riches and honors. Abundance.
Words like house: Financial security. Happiness within the family. Honor and dignity. Being.
Words like mountain: Natural elevation of yourself. Aspiration. Success through effort.
Source: http://www.freakydreams.com/interpret.html

Today I witnessed, just like many times before, just why statistics keep telling us that pretty soon we will be running out of water.

I was in the restroom and beside me by the sink was someone brushing her teeth, from the moment she stuck her toothbrush in her mouth, she let the water run. Full blast! For an average person it takes about a good 3-5 minutes to finish brushing his/her teeth. Man!! For almost a hundred times since I was in high school I switch the faucet off for people like them while they let it run and laugh and talk and wasting water. WASTING WATER!! I’ve tried actually switching off the faucet for them and I do get their attention, the next time I meet any of them in the restroom they no longer keep the faucet running. I mean for crying out loud, these faucets even have pull up pull down mechanism so that they will be easier to just switch off when you’re not using it.

I feel so bad because this morning I didn’t tell this lady I was with in the restroom not to keep doing what she does everyday, after every meal while brushing her teeth.

Please while soaping your hands, don’t let the water just flow. When you’re not using it, don’t waste it in the process. Do you remember the times when there wasn’t any water? How sticky your hands were, how filthy your sink was with all the dishes piled up. Remember when you got to the office late because you didn’t have water to take a bath.

There will come a time when we guys would kill for water. And I have a feeling it won’t be too far from today. So grabe ha, do your part. It’s not like there’s water all the time. We can run out of it you know!

The Philippines is probably just a few of the countries left that flush the toilet with clean water daw, I heard once in the radio.

Anyway that’s that. I also don’t like people littering. It horrifies me.

Again, I borrowed this blog’s title from Seal’s song, “Crazy”

Lately I have been thinking of doing things that I don’t normally do. I’m a very laid back person and can be pleased by the simplest things even just food. I enjoy eating. However, when I don’t feel too good or when something’s upsetting me, I lose my appetite. These past few days, things have changed I’ve come up with things that I wanted to do differently.

Despite the cost of gas, I came up with the idea of driving far away at night. Driving by myself. Which is quite a risky thing to do when you are doing it at night especially. I would want to find a place where I could just read a book any book, and chill. My ideal place would be at the beach but there no longer are safe and nice beaches here you can get into for free unless of course you know the owner.

Another idea that I came up with was do something drastic to my hair.. I was thinking about adding a lot layers and having my hair highlighted. I was even on the net once looking for funky hairstyles and the pictures I saw were really funky ones and rather extreme. The type that would probably give me the attention I so do not need.

The most recent idea I came up with is getting some body part pierced. I’m not thinking about anything outrageous and I’m not going as far as having my eyebrow pierced or my tongue for that matter.

Then, some things occured to me almost instantly after I came up with these ideas. First of all with the driving around town.. I am so freaking lazy when it comes to going out. All I really want is to stay home and sleep and ocassionally watch dvds or surf or come up again with ideas that won’t materialize. Then about doing something drastic to my hair. I don’t want attention. Not that kind at least. And most of all, I just want to look nice most of the time. Look simple and neat And about my most recent idea, I haven’t really given it much thought.. I think I can talk my mom into it hehehe. I can’t say this is some sort of mid-life crisis coz really I’m still about to begin my life and I’m tired of making plans that are always affected by things I have no control over. This is no mid-life crisis, am I having some sort of syndrome here? I just want to change something and do stuff that I have control over, like my hair

But then again all i did was have my split ends cut off. One-length, have my bangs trimmed was all I told the hairdresser.

This is what happens during the early stages of our being apart.

I’m feeling a bit guilty about being too vocal about this and even go as far as placing these things in my blog. Since it’s already begun I might as well get on with it.

Everytime he leaves, I almost never fail to pick a song to dedicate to him depending on the predicament that we are in. This song however, I wish I’d written myself

It’s a cool song.

It’s funny how I try to keep myself from being too cheesy. I guess that’s just the very side of me that makes me so me hehehe

A salute to Nickelback for writing this song that I really really wish I’d written myself. I’m grateful that so many artists talk about distance, they come up with songs that people like me, can relate to.

Nickelback – Far Away

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there’s just one left
‘Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]
I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you’ll be with me
and you’ll never go
Stop breathing if
I don’t see you anymore

On my knees, I’ll ask
Last chance for one last dance
‘Cause with you, I’d withstand
All of Hell to hold your hand
I’d give it all
I’d give for us
Give anything, but I won’t give up
‘Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]

So far away
So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
‘Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
‘Cause I’m not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
‘Cause I’m not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go